“…Say something…” I prayed.
Sometimes the hardest part of walking with God is not putting one foot in front of the other.
Doesn’t walking with God imply that you’re moving? But here I was, seemingly standing still… and waiting did not feel like progress.
I was anxious. I wanted God to tell me what to do. Where to go. What to pray. What to say.
I was looking for a job. Looking for a place. Looking for a community of believers. Looking for direction with the projects that God had put on my heart. Looking for stability.
I felt a sense of urgency but had no specific direction. Was I wasting time? Did I miss God’s instructions?
Another door slammed in my face and I went flying back to square one.
“…Please, do something…” I said.
I was struggling with remaining in communion with the Holy Spirit. Instead of believing Philippians 4:6-7, I settled for knowing it. As a result, I frantically knocked on every door I could find, hoping that God would finally let me walk through one.
“Jorelle”, I heard His Spirit calmly say.
I was ready for His instruction. I closed my eyes and gladly waited.
“You like to praise me for open doors, but you should also praise me for closed doors: they are the outlines of your path.”
Right then and there, He taught me that He was using closed doors not to harm me, but to guide me. If there were no closed doors at this stage of my life, I would wander aimlessly.
He was my shepherd. My guide. And even though it didn’t feel that way, He still knew exactly where I was, what I was experiencing and what I needed. What I felt in that moment didn’t change the fact that He was, is, and will always be GOD.
The storm did not subside right away… but it was OK. He was with me. I was not drowning. I was being watered.
I still don’t know everything I’d like to know. But He knows. And that’s all I need to know.