I clenched the steering wheel and hit the breaks. Ugh. This could have ended badly.
“That’s OK, sir” I grumbled to myself. “It’s not as if I was using this lane. Why wouldn’t you merge like a mad man and almost kill us both?”
I was angry.
Too angry to realize that God had protected me from a car accident. Too angry to recognize that He was giving me an opportunity to develop the patience I had been praying for. Too angry to care.
“Choose” I heard the Holy Spirit say.
At the sound of His voice, the parade of resentful thoughts that was marching through my mind dissipated. It might have taken little for old habits to resurface, but I was hopeful. I knew that the Holy Spirit didn’t catch my attention to commiserate: He was about to teach me something.
I took a deep breath and merged onto the highway. It was time to be still at 100 km/h.
“What should I choose between?” I wondered. “My anger and God?”
“No” He said, “Choose between your God and anger”
That’s when I realized that anger was no longer mine. God was mine, and He had made me His.
Although part of me knew it, I hadn’t realized that I still clung to what I wished to leave behind. I frequently prayed that God would get rid of “my anger”… “my anxiety”… “my lack of focus”, but none of these things were actually mine. They were temptations meant to lead me back to the stability of a familiar captivity, and I no longer had to practice them.
I had to choose. I could either embrace God and let His Word and His Holy Spirit lead me to experience the freedom that was already mine, or I could let my memories and habits imprison me.
I looked up and was surprised to realize that I had already reached my destination. I had managed to drive for 40 minutes on the highway and through town, had parked my car and turned off the engine without giving it much thought.
As I sat in my car, I wondered how much of my life was lived on autopilot. I was so grateful to God for His Spirit of guidance. Not only had He made a way, He was leading me through it.